There is one particular form of hateration I simply refuse to participate in: Humbling women who genuinely like themselves.
If that woman believes she is the finest thing walking God’s green earth, who am I to tell her otherwise?
“But she’s really not —” ... TO YOU. That’s the part people keep forgetting.
If sis says she’s a bad bitch, congratulations to the bad bitch. If she says she looks GOOD today, then dammit, she looks damn good today. If she walks into a room believing she belongs there, I’m certainly not about to trip her at the doors' entrance.
Because I’ve noticed something weird:
A woman thinking too highly of herself seems to bother people a hell of a lot more than a woman thinking very little of herself.
And why is that?
Oh, She Think She Cute? GOOD.
Women are given an exhausting list of things we're supposed to dislike about ourselves.
Too fat. Too skinny. Too loud. Too quiet. Too dark. Too old. Hair too short. Ass too big. Ass not big enough. Wearing too much. Not doing enough. Hips switching to strong. Looking too grown or not looking grown enough.
There is ALWAYS something.
So, when a woman somehow makes it through all that noise and arrives at:
“Actually, I think I’m fine as hell.”
Why the hell would I interfere with that?!
You survived the committee meeting and approved yourself? Motion carries. I'm not appealing the decision, babes.
Her Self-Concept Doesn't Require a Majority Vote
Here's the thing:
I don't even have to agree with her.
Maybe I don't think she's the baddest woman walking. Maybe I wouldn't wear the outfit. Maybe whatever she's serving isn't necessarily my cup of tea. So what?
Her self-concept does not require a majority vote.
Beauty isn't an elected office, Jackie.
When another woman says, “I'm beautiful,” she's not submitting an application for me or anyone to review. And I don't comprehend why so many people hear confidence and immediately start looking for evidence to disprove it.
“She thinks she's all that.”
“She swear she fine.”
“Somebody lied to her.”
“She needs to humble herself.”
Okay... And what happens if we don't?
Does the Department of Female Humility issue a citation? Why are we so invested?
Confidence Isn't a Competition
I think some people hear a woman celebrate herself and automatically interpret it as a comparison.
But: “I am beautiful” doesn't mean “you are ugly.”
“I know I'm talented” doesn't mean nobody else is talented.
“I love my body” doesn't mean your body is inferior.
“I look GOOD today” doesn't mean everybody else needs to pack it up and go home.
Another woman's confidence isn't inherently a statement about you.
Sometimes sis just really likes herself.
Imagine that.
And if seeing another woman adore herself makes YOU uncomfortable, you should rather investigate why it bothers you than start picking apart everything about her until you feel better.
“But Somebody Needs to Tell Her…”
Do they? If she's hurting people, lying, mistreating somebody or doing something foul, address the behavior. But if your complaint is simply: "She thinks she's prettier than she actually is.”
Okay. Keep it pushing, bookie. Go hug a tree then take a nap.
There are men walking this Earth with three teeth, an air mattress, and $14.72 in checking who possess the confidence of a Saudi prince!!!
Society has survived.
I think we'll be okay if Keisha thinks she's finer than Beyonce.
I'm certainly not applying for the position of Director of Women's Self-Esteem Reduction.
The salary ain't good enough.
Let her walk around like the rent on Earth is paid in full because she arrived. 😂
Even if I don't personally see what she sees, I don't need to.
That's hers.
Women have spent enough generations being taught how to shrink, soften ourselves, reject compliments and make sure we don't appear too confident. I'm don't contribute to that shit.
If a woman has finally decided to take up some damn space, I'm moving my chair out of her way.
I will never tell another woman she's not who she thinks she is.
Bad bitch.
Bad bitty.
Fine as hell.
Whatever.
Go be THAT girl.
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